This too shall pass

In the past, I’ve talked about being medicated for an Obsessive Compulsive/Anxiety disorder. I have been on and off of medication for the past 12 years, the last 7 years being the longest, and I felt as though it was time “to stand on my own two feet”. 

My routine is solid. I workout 3 times a week with an added yoga class on Sundays, I take my vitamins and drink plenty of water, I eat “sorta” well, I go to bed at the same time each night, and I meditate and breathe routinely.

 My headspace was right for this jump and I was ready to take the leap.

I worked my dosage down, and as of February I’m completely off of the medication.

It’s been an interesting few weeks.

The side effects are obtrusive, coming and going as they please without regard to what I’m doing.

It’s hard to explain but every once in a while, more frequently in the beginning, a wave of sensation will run through my body. It’s similar to when you get a cold chill but more like a surge of energy. It will start at my head and runs through to my toes. It’s not ideal but it is also not terrible.

My sleep is erratic.

I’m quick to anger and not give a f**k.

I can be happy and then immediately sad, depressed even, falling into hours of despair.

My energy levels are inconsistent, and I don’t mean that some days I’m full of gusto and others not so much. It’s more dramatic than that, it’s like, I wake up and I’m going about my day when suddenly, without warning, I cannot keep my eyes open. I have to lay down and take a nap. I’m sure it is correlated to not sleeping well.

But, the weirdest part of this whole thing is this; when I’m medicated, I’m missing a piece of me, and when I’m not medicated, I’m missing a piece of me.

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